Live and Learn

I am going through a very profound and awakening time in life right now. I think partially the fact that my boyfriend of 5 years is in Afghanistan has something to do with it. I have had some time to sit back, think about my life, and how I can improve it. I am grateful to have come to the realization that I needed to make some changes. Some of you may know, but most probably do not know, that I have issues with anxiety. I have been battling with anxiety for years (as long as I can remember), however I never knew what it was. There are several things that cause me anxiety, and I just always thought I was a little different, or I was just more sensitive than other people. It wasn't until a year or so ago that I actually realized that I had anxiety and I needed to do something about it. I won't go in depth about the whole thing because this already personal enough and it isn't an easy thing to talk about. I did attempt to get on some medication to help calm my anxiety but the doctor wasn't sure what was going on with me...my anxiety was not "normal". She sent me to a therapist and she as well was not sure what was going on and wanted to do some research on different conditions and we were finally making some progress. I at least wanted to know why I am this way, what is wrong with me. You can't imagine how badly I want to hear "This is a condition called _________" Just to know that it is a disorder or something that I have instead of I am just not normal, something is wrong with me. As my therapist was doing research on my anxiety, I was dropped from my insurance (because I graduated college). Yet ANOTHER block in the road. It's so hard to admit you have a problem and try to get help for it, not to mention when the doctor's tell you they don't know what is wrong with you, and then when you finally feel like your making positive progress the whole thing comes to a screeching hault. Now I have to start this whole grueling process over?! Really it'd be much easier to hide in my room all alone where no one can bother me. REALLY I HAVE A GOOD POINT TO MAKE, I PROMISE IM GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THIS. Since then, I have not gone back to therapy. One night I was up really late (I have a hard time faling asleep) watching tv. You know how all they have on tv at 2 am is infomercials, well this infomercial popped on tv about an intense program to help people with stress, anxiety, and depression. I can't remember the exact name of the program but it was by Lucinda Bassett, who of course struggled with anxiety herself. It was like a 12 disc CD program you could follow to help you with these issues. It was like $150 and I was like Wow, that is alot of money, it could be a scam, but if it worked it would be totally worth it. $150 is nothing compared to having anxiety EVERY SINGLE DAY of your life. So I told my mom about it and she said the same thing if it works it'd be worth it and so I did some research online about the whole thing to see what it was all about. I discovered that Lucinda Bassett had written a book on the same idea and principles as this program. So I decided alright I'll buy the book, $25, and see how I like it first. I got nothing to lose. WOW, what a difference it has made in my life. The book talks about how you have control over your mind, and how YOU can control your reactions to certain situations. It may sound simple to some of you, and I am sure that it sounds stupid to some of you, but to me it was a game changer! A light popped on in my head..."Hello, Christine...you control your brain and you control your reactions and you control your happiness!" DUH! I was stuck in this rut of negative thoughts, and negative reactions to everything in my life and I was miserable. The reason this negative thinking is so dangerous is because you don't even know that you are doing it! I thought I was happy for the most part and I thought I was fairly optimistic, I just thought that I had bad luck and bad things always happen to me. I was wrong, I wasn't as happy as I thought I was because I had a negative reaction to everything that happened to me and I thought the world/universe hated me and wanted to make my life hard. Now I realize...who cares if it didn't go the way I planned it, what's the worst thing that is going to happen? Nothing really. Why did I freak out and have cause myself to be miserable over silly little things? I don't know. I can tell you now that I am so much happier, I am repairing the relationships that I had ruined before with my negativity, and surrounding myself with positive people.
I can't say that all my anxiety is gone because there is still that anxiety that none of the doctors can figure out what is going on with me, however in my journey to fix that problem I discovered how to handle my daily stress and anxiety better and completely turned my life around. I am 1,000 times happier and feel like I had an epiphany! Truely Amazing.
The book is called "The Solution" by Lucinda Bassett and I suggest everyone read it because even if you don't have anxiety, everyone has stress and alot of people fight with depression. The thing is that you may not even know you are fighting with these conditions until something pushes you to wake up and see, REALLY SEE. Anyway I think it could help everyone in the way they view life, it certainly couldn't hurt.
Alright I am done ranting and spewing my heart out, it was a very personal post but I feel like I should share the power this way of life has to offer. And I'll leave you with my new favorite quote.
"If you want to be happy, be."